Think about that one annoyingly perfect kid that you hated in high school

The popular athletic one with perfect grades and definitely-going-to-be-a-model looks.

Well that's how I think of Europe.  It’s just so damn perfect, its almost annoying.

I arrived in Zurich this morning with 10 hours to spend looking at stylish people, speaking their stylish languages, in their stylish clothes, driving around their stylish city in their stylish cars and eating stylish food.**

Oh Europe.  I hope you grow up and get fat.

Standard Swiss breakfast.  Keep in mind that I haven’t had a raspberry or decent coffee for over a year now.  No I didn’t nearly wet my pants.  I actually went ahead and soaked them (i.e. I’m clumsy and now my jeans now smell like espresso).

 

See this is nothing special in Zurich. In NYC this would be a fancy, expensive part of town.  In India this would be.  Well, impossible.  But in Zurich...this is basically a slum.

Yep, roasted hazelnuts are available as $3 street food (Which gets you a good – though diarrhea inducing 3-course meal in India)

WTF.  NYC got pigeons and Zurich has native SWANS.  What postcard have I flown into?

Oh just to add to the perfectness – lets not forget that Switzerland is famous for more than money laundering Nazi wealth.  Yes they have a long standing reputation for the best Chocolate on the planet.

And then I found these…

and wet my pants for all the wrong reasons.

 

But it gets better…

WHAT THE FUCK! When did THESE come out?  MINI KIWIS!  Its like eating a kiwi the way you eat a grape.  CAN YOU IMAGINE ANYTHING MORE AMAZING THEN THAT?

 

Well yes – a mini, seedless mango (I've been advocating this for years).  Get on it Swiss bitches.

They can even make slaughtered animals hanging on a pole look attractive. 

 

I hate/have-a-serious inferiority complex to all things European.

Anyways – I’m now sitting in the airport listening to the eccentric, somewhat daffy, British doctors next to me talk about the virtues of euthanasia and assisted suicide.  Oh Europe.

Next stop – Newark, New Jersey (the Hyderabad of the USA).  See ya all soon.

 

**You could honestly replace every “stylish” with “overpriced” and still be