Party on the frontline

Two days ago I paid a visit to the Indian – Pakistani border at Attari (India) / Wagaa (Pakistan).   This is the only road crossing between India and Pakistan, connecting Amritsar to Lahore.  According to Wikipedia it is the “Berlin Wall of Asia.”  What a fucking joke.  

So my first impression of this border “lowering of the flags” ceremony was that it was something like an apartment party gone horribly, horribly wrong.  The kind of party where the roommates don’t get along and each try to play different music and have more people in their respective room so they feel more popular.  It’s the kind of party where the guests know that the only way they could possibly have any fun is if a real fight broke out.  Or perhaps with some very concentrated drinking sessions.  Or maybe a fun drinking game.  “Kings” usually does the trick.  “Flip Cup” also works.  

Ok, anyways, enough of that metaphor.  At the border each country tried to outdo the other by playing its music louder than the other side.  In between songs the announcers made every effort to cut each other off. Really mature.

India finally won this round with “Jai Ho” on repeat.  Plus India’s crowd was about 3x the size of Pakistan's side.  This might be because Pakistanis are a little distracted as their country is quickly devolving into the next Somalia.  Alternatively, maybe the explanation is that India has 800 MILLION more people. 

 

Some proud Indians…

(I’d bet you 10 Lakh rupees that these same “patriotic” Indians shamelessly trash their country with litter and gripe about paying taxes when they aren’t waving their flags).

Try to imagine a high school field trip that involved dancing around the US/Canadian border? 

The main seating area on the Indian side.  Naturally (I still don’t know how) I was in the “VIP” section closer to the border. 

Pakistan’s side.

Next the doors opened and Indian – Pakistani relations devolved into a ridiculous staring contest.  Each side picked its tallest men with the biggest mustaches to serve as gate guards and they literally glared at each other.  Meanwhile the announcer, in true baseball game style, kept cheering on the crowds with “Hindustan Zindabad!”

Yep, at one point the soldiers actually DID pose like this to show off their muscles to the other side.  So now both sides have to live with a fear of this top-heavy soldier AND the nuclear missiles both nation’s have pointed at each other.  I pissed my pants at this point.  

And then, war broke out. A thumb war.

“1..2…3…4..I declare a thumb war”

Anyways lets get down to the real crux of the issue.  Which side had the better looking people? 

Sorry India, Pakistan wins this round.  I don’t have pics to prove it, but I think you all know this to be true in your hearts. 

Some  more pictures below…

I have my own views about if India really qualifies as a “democracy”, but I’ve already promised you all I’d hold up on the angry ranting for the time being. 

Oh..I almost forgot my favorite border picture.  This man here is PEEING ON PAKISTAN.  Worse – this fence goes electric at night – meaning something truly truly tragic could happen to this man at any moment.  Still, as horrible as it would be, I would really be tickled if this “international incident” provoked a full-fledged war.

After having so much fun at this ceremony I came up with yet another reason why it would be a fantastic idea to partition the “Red States” right out of the USA - GREAT BORDER PARTIES! 

 

 

Nope I have no fucking clue who the uncle and aunty are in this pic. 

I actually took a bunch of videos at the border and I’ll figure out a way to upload them at some point.   In the meantime this youtube video gives you the gist of it.