The Contrasts of Life in India

It’s become so cliché to talk about how India is full of contrasts and contradictions.  I’ve tried hard to avoid repeating this cliché because I prefer to waste your time with witty puns and sarcasm that you don’t catch.  However, I’ve decided to break my own rule so I can talk about my recent visit to the toilet.

So most public toilets in India look like the following (though they can be much, much worse):

 

But the other day I visit the toilet of a upscale restaurant in Delhi and witnessed the following:

It might not look like much more than Kanika on a good day.  But no!This is an STATE-OF-THE-ART AUTOMATIC ROBOTIC JAPANESE-DESIGNED WASTE DISPOSAL MIRACLE.  There’s a panel to the side of this toilet that has controls for getting the device to clean, massage, and dry you as you do your business.  Not to mention the plush, heated toilet seats.  Heaven.  Changed my whole day.

It struck me after I used this toilet, that normally when I visit a bathroom in India I’m most worried about picking up some bacteria friends or the soap running out.  This time around my biggest worry was the possibility that this toilet might just be smarter than me. 

While we’re on the topic of toilets I thought I might as well offer some useful suggestions in case any of you ever bother to visit me (I’m not bitter).  Now the normal advice for foreigners visiting India is to pack toilet paper, carry hand sanitizer, and strengthen those squatting muscles.  This is really good advice and has come in handy plenty of times.  Another suggestion I’d add to these recommendations is that you should perhaps, be a man.  I don’t mean this in the sense of you should “suck it up” and “man-up”.  I mean you should be a man – and have man organs – and save yourself the misery of sitting in the hole that' people call a toilet here.